First of, I’m sorry I missed June. I know you’ve heard, but the month was mean. I’m glad she’s gone, and I rarely have such a sour attitude. Thankfully, July has already been much sweeter.* And July! Not just fireworks (we had none, thanks to actual fires) and sunny days (plenty of those) but also one of my very favorite words in the English language: VACATION. (Road trip!)
So, so many options on what to wear, with splashy bags, sandals, fun earrings and big JLO-inspired hats. Oh, summer. I love thee. For bright pink pedicured toes. For popsicles in the middle of the afternoon. For running around barefoot once the sun drops behind the mountains, watching with awe as the sky sparkles to life. For fly fishing. For spending time in the garden. For watching as everyone comes out of their homes and spends as much time as possible at the park. By the creek. In the community pool.
But this months theme is what we won’t wear. Those items we buy on a whim only to later realize they look awful. The ways we won’t bend to trend. The sections of the store we completely avoid. The looks we try not to laugh at when seen on others in public. (Crocs, embroidered outfits on anyone older than age 5 — especially those featuring Winnie the Pooh, man-pris, high-waisted anything.)
That which does not look good on me/that which I will not wear:
1. Strapless. I am not built for strapless dresses, tube tops, etc. My shoulders are broad and strong from years of swimming and I have an hourglass figure. Strapless make me look like the Hulk. Halter dresses, however — are delightful:
Yeah. So are babies.
And open toed shoes.
2. Yellow. It does nothing for my olive skin. So this dress? Super cute on her, a disaster for me.
3. Ankle length pants. This is more from childhood trauma of being a jack-and-the-beanstalk-grower, but my pants never fit. I showed ankle before it was a option at the Gap. (At that time, it was called “waders.”) I like capris. I like wide leg pants. I don’t need to intentionally show ankle. They’ve seen enough light over the years.
4. Shorts. Unless I’m running in heat, yoga pants or a skirt are my go-to options. I have a pair of dark jean shorts I love that my brother recently mentioned remind him of our mom. Huh. I’d much prefer this skirt, my current fave.
5. Triangle top bikinis. Le. Duh.
Honestly, my tastes are classic. Pearls. Heels. A-line dresses and skirts. Dark jeans. A great pressed white button down. An expensive handbag paired with Target bracelets. Don’t give me loud prints. Or elastic anything. I want the lines simple, the lipstick red and the eyeliner black. (Like my coffee. And President.)
So, Kara — what’s on your no-go list? You are far more adventurous than I am in the fashion department. I am eager to see what your courageous soul avoids.
Also, on the flip side? I’d LOVE to be wearing these this season.
*July includes the added benefit of heartbreak. But hey, at least I haven’t hit my head yet.