Bark, Bark, Smile
I never stop moving. Even in my sleep — when I’m not chasing something with my little legs flailing — I’m farting. What? Don’t judge. You probably fart in your sleep too. Good thing Tall Lady loves me unconditionally.
Life here on the Homestead is pretty damn great. I mean, life anywhere outside of that cage they had me in at the pound is good. But here? With a fancy dog bed, a basket of toys and a regular supply of treats hot off the BBQ? I’ve got it good. Who has two paws and his owner wrapped around his tiny pom pom tail? This guy.
I love going in the car. Tall Girl rolls down the back window, I stick out my noggin and away we go. Ain’t nothing better than the wind blowing through your ears. Sometimes we even end up at a mountain or a park. Other times I spend the night at my Uncle Cody’s house. His dogs are pretty great and his girlfriend is really nice, even if they make me sleep in that stupid crate. Don’t they know I like to spoon? Also, you got to watch out for Cody and his scissors. He keeps threatening to snip off my “transgendered” eyelashes.
Dude. They keep the bugs out. Bug off.
My one complaint, if I may? She’s got me on this new gentle leader that drives me batty. I paw at it and try my hardest to get it off of my nose, but no dice. Guess I’m just going to have to learn how to walk without pulling her all over the sidewalk. Last week we were on a hike and I got a little too excited by some giant snacks (you call them deer) I saw down the trail. I pulled and down she fell, rock on knee. I felt awful. I mean, not only did she scare off the snacks, but she was really hurt. When she was done screaming, I licked her tears. Friends, if there is one thing I’ve learned so far on the Homestead, when in doubt — lick the tears. It makes the Tall Lady start laughing and they actually taste pretty good. Like tortilla chips without the crunch.
Speaking of tortilla chips, I wonder what I can convince her to let me try today. Yesterday it was blueberries, which I really, really like frozen. Never mind today my mouth is purple. I have a feeling life is only going to get better next week when my grandparents visit. They’ve already sent me gifts and they haven’t even met me! If that ain’t charm…
-willie Nelson mandela