Be Loved, Beloved

February 14th

{Entry 7: A week of love.}

Valentine's Mix

Cardamom Brownies

Those brownies were made it bitter chocolate. Not bitter sweet. Come on. It’s funny.

I rarely think so much before posting, but here is a little glimpse into the other side of my brain. The side that doesn’t always want to celebrate others. The side that is selfish and pathetic and 100% human.

I have a friend who regularly signs her email, “know you are beloved.” Fundamentally, I do know I’m beloved. My God, parents and many, many friends hold me close to their hearts. I love many in return.

But I’ve got to tell you — for all of my baking, CD-mixing and licking of Valentine envelopes — for the countless times I’ve defended this holiday to the masses as a time to rejoice with candy hearts — I’m over it.

I’m over being the third wheel. I’m certainly over hearing people saying things like “I worry about you being the old lady who will be all alone.” (Seriously.) Or, with the best of intentions, “You won’t be alone. I’ll help you kidnap some kids.”  Oh, the things people say. I will never be the kidnapping cat lady, but thanks.

It’s funny and it’s painful. Most days, I am the first to poke at myself with incredibly self-deprecating humor about my horrible luck in dating. But today, I’m simply glad tomorrow is February 15th. Because love? You lift me up, fill my sails with hope and vigor, and then vanish just as quickly.

And really, babies with bows and arrows is a pretty dumb idea anyway.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends. May you see the sweet side of this day!

~K

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