Cardiac Arrest

June 28th

There are dos and don’ts of surviving a breakup with any sort of dignity and grace. As a girl not exactly known for having a stiff upper lip or any ability whatsoever to hide my emotions, it’s good to write these down. I hope I never have to go through anything like this again, but if I do, this will be a good reminder of how to handle my heart.

Do:

1. Rally the troops. Get your friends and family around you as soon as possible. You do not have to talk about every single detail. In fact, this may come back to haunt you. Instead, allow yourself to be as vulnerable as necessary. Yesterday I sat with my head in a friend’s lap for an hour while she listened to me sob. It helped.

2. Take the high road as far as you can. Once I love someone, it seems no matter what I always will. It’s okay to tell him this in lieu of yet again reviewing the wrong-doings.

Heartache Stationery

3. Reach out and thank those who are helping you get through this. Fabulous break-up stationery makes it a bit easier.

4. Remember it is okay to be angry and disappointed. There doesn’t have to be  a silver lining to everything. You don’t have to accept the platitudes.

5. Pray. Visit churches, take yoga, go for long walks — do whatever you need to do to reconnect with your extraordinary faith.

Luxury Leather Goods to Nurture a Broken Heart

6. When all else fails, shop. You won’t be happy with the credit bill later, but your new purse today feels damn good.

Don’ts:

Blackberry sans tears

1. Don’t cry into your Blackberry. Water + electronics = disaster and a new big purchase.

2. Don’t lash out and act like a child. You’ll very quickly regret behaving poorly, calling names, sharing intimate details others did not need to know. Remember leaving with your dignity is more important than leaving feeling “right.”

3. Don’t be afraid to sincerely apologize if you do lash out and say hateful things.

4. Don’t forget to eat. Things go down hill quickly if you do and well-reasoned thought, sleep and sanity are the next to fall away.

5. Don’t be angry with tough love. When friends want to shake you by the shoulders, they mean well. Don’t let their words sting. They have the right intention.

6. Don’t beat yourself up. Shitty things happen to good people every single day. There is no point in trying to understand why this happened; but it did and while it sucks today, it will suck a little less tomorrow.

~K

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32 Responses

  1. OMG, i LOVE the breakup stationary! that is just fabulous. who sent that to you?

    and yes. #6 and #4 of the don’ts especially. also? some people are assholes and sometimes they are good at hiding it. sometimes for a very long time. happens to the best of us.

  2. Great do’s and don’t s Kelli. I wish I could be there in person to give you a hug!

  3. Debbie June 28, 2009

    Great list and I love the handbag!!! Even though it may be hard to believe right now, you will feel better and you will be stronger. Never compromise who you are and what you believe. When you need to, remember to take a deep breath and hold your head up high…you are a wonderful person. My prayers are with you.

  4. The list is great and oh so true, love the stationery, and LOVE the new handbag!! Love with all of your heart, every time, Kelli. Life is too short NOT to.
    Sending you hugs!!

  5. Veronica June 28, 2009

    You are a wise woman who is on the right path.

  6. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through so much pain. Number 4 on the Do list is so important to remember. I hate it when people try to find something positive when really all you want to do is work through the hurt. (Of course, I’m sure I do the same when trying to comfort others.)

  7. Cool stationery, cool purse, great list, and as you said it will suck less everyday. But nevertheless, it is a horrible thing to go through. I hope you didn’t really have to buy a new Blackberry.

  8. Great do’s and don’ts….the stationary is the best! And nothing beats a little retail therapy. Hang in there, it does get a little better everyday.

  9. Larissa Stretton June 28, 2009

    Kelli,

    Thank you for keeping it real, life isn’t always peaches and cream, your blog should be whatever you want it to be. So sorry to hear of your breakup–you are much too sweet for this kinda thing. As one who has been there, your prince will come, probably in a very surprising way. In the meantime, keep taking care of yourself, remember that you are cared about by so many people, including many you have never even met. I had gone without a date for two years, dated a guy for a couple of months, thought the world would end when we broke up, went on a cruise with my friend a month later, met the man of my dreams and have been happily married to my best friend for 19 years. It’ll happen girlfriend, just hang in there.

    p.s. my husband said he’d come to AZ to rub him out if you want—just kidding……
    Larissa

  10. Love the stationery and purse.

    I’ve been gone for the weekend, so I’m just catching up on your posts. So sorry to hear you’re dealing with a broken heart. You’ve gotten so much good advice already. I know you have a huge heart and I don’t think you could love with less than all of it. Some lucky guy will find you someday and love you with all of his heart too. 🙂

  11. I hate you had to go through this. It sucks like my mom’s old hoover vaccume.

    One thing that helped me in difficult times, and oddly enough..the only time I really could write, is to write poetry or short stories. For some reason, it helped.

    Another idea is to put up a dart board with his face on it. Does not hard to him, it’s only a picture, but sure as heck makes you feel some better.

    A diary is good too. Journal it all down. It helps me get it out, even if I never read it again.

    One thing people used to do WAY back when, is write something on paper and then burn it. They did it for a different reason, but it’s still good therapy today. Even taking old love letters and burning them with friends is very cleansing.

  12. Words to live by. Well said Kelli.

  13. Hear, hear! That stationary is awesome!

  14. Tina in Santa Monica June 28, 2009

    Love you Kelli. You deserve the best.

  15. Smart girl 😉

  16. Now I recognize the old Kelli! Bravo girl, you have the right attitude. And the bag is just nice!

  17. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It just sucks. But it sounds like you know how to take care of yourself (and part of that means knowing when to ask for help). Hugs.

  18. Can’t say it better than the other folks above Kelli. XO

  19. Okay, that pic of the breakup stationery rocks. And, hello cute yellow bag w/ matching wallet. Super fun! Heartache sucks. You sounds like you’re doing the best to survive. It’s a challenging process, isn’t it. (And, why do we all have to experience it???)

  20. Hugs Kelli! There’s nothing worse than heartache that makes you feel like the world is spinning on without you. Shopping therapy and friends are always good (and love the breakup stationary, where was that when I needed it?!). Take care of yourself 🙂

  21. Kelli Dear,
    You are a woman of integrity! You live whole-heartedly and that is awesome! You are blessed by loving family & friends and you will get through this. God bless you and be kind to yourself.

  22. With greatest sympathies for the sorrow…big hug.

  23. Also, never regret doing the “dont’s” or don’t-ing the “do’s”…if that makes any sense.

  24. rohanknitter June 29, 2009

    I’m sending lots of hugs across the miles to you. It sounds like things are getting a little easier? I hope so.

  25. Kelli, I thought about you all weekend. I was going to email you off-line but your post today was so open, honest and seemingly together I am commenting here. If you have enough perspective to post like this, right now, it may not seem like it, but you will probably be feeling better, incrementally, soon. You may have relapses. You may need more new stuff – like a silk scarf to tie around the handle of your new yellow bag. Swim a lot – physical exhaustion beats emotional exhaustion. Hugs to you.

  26. Don’t drink alone. 🙂 I made that mistake on my last break up.

  27. You have great taste-that purse is gorgeous! Sorry about the Blackberry. It’s always a bummer to have to replace something that you accidentally broke. To break it with your tears is almost too much. I hope that each day, it gets a little less hard. It looks like you have a lot of people who love you! <3

  28. Elissa June 29, 2009

    Lurker here. I just went through a really rough breakup on Friday, and I wanted to say thanks — this post helped. 🙂

  29. Angie in Mexico June 29, 2009

    Kelli, I’m sorry for your break-up, but I’m happy you have so many good friends who love you so much!
    Big hugs!
    (Oh, great bag and stationery, that helps a lot.)

  30. Sorry to learn about your recent break-up but very sound advice! Also, that is a fantastic bag!

  31. Rock that bag girl! Great list of Do’s and Don’ts. We are always learning, aren’t we? I like that about life. There’s something new to learn around every corner. Hugs and blessings as always.

  32. I broke my phone that way too!!

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