Christmas Correspondence

December 6th

Dear Santa,
Hi there! How are you? Busy from the craziness of the season? What’s that you say? You’ve been delegating your responsibilities after finding out you have Type 2 Diabetes? I’d been worried about your belly. You know, belly fat is the most dangerous. Don’t worry Santa. I’ll leave you a copy of the Moosewood Cookbook to take back to Mrs. Claus. Studies show a vegetarian diet is a healthier choice — including reducing your chances of getting cancer by double digits. You’ll find the book under some fresh fruit (in lieu of cookies), and a nice glass of soy milk.
Santa dearest, if you could manage to squeeze a few things into your sleigh for moi, here’s what I’m thinking:
1. Skirts. I love skirts. My legs look cute in skirts. Skirts fit my height well. Skirts are good for me. This pretty yellow one is nice. Or how about the blue one?
Better yet, how about you deliver me a simple pattern for a cute skirt and a few hours with my mama to sew my own? Fantastic!

2. Stationery. I never met pretty paper I didn’t love. I could use a new address book for that matter too. How about this paper set from my very favorite paper store in Beverly Hills? While you are there…

3. It seems that underwear are pass√© among LA trollops these days. Santa, could you please do something about this? On your way to Phoenix, please consider delivering a significant number of panties to the Malibu/Hollywood/LA area. Make them lacy. Make them giant. I don’t care. Let’s just stop the commando craziness already. We’ll consider this a gift to all women in America.

4. So many books, so little time. I’m reading about a novel a week these days Santa. But, I promise, if you haul a few of these my way, I’ll pass them along when I am done.

5. A green thumb. Santa, if you could point me in the right direction to how I can grow a tiny vegetable garden and learn how to compost, I’d be so appreciative. I just can’t seem to keep anything alive — including pothos, the seemingly indestructible house plant. The only thing I seem to be great at growing is mold in the cottage cheese container I forgot in the back of the fridge. Pretty sure that doesn’t count. Need some inspiration Santie? (Can I call you Santie? It’s cute.) Lookie here.

6. A flight to Rome. Let’s not beat around the bush. One of my most favorite people lives there and I haven’t gotten my lazy bum over for a visit. I’m thinking May, and two weeks or so. Want to come along?

7. These will make my baking a bit easier. And they won’t take up much room in your sleigh either.

8. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Think Jack. He’d certainly do. Shoot, I’d even move to the island. And if that can’t happen, please feel free to bring the island to me.

Thank you!


{Someone left a comment this week that my advent projects are like a crafty shopping guide. That got me thinking. What do I want for Christmas this year? What do you want? And don’t give me any “world peace” Miss America answers. Prayers for peace are a daily — not holiday specific — theme ’round here. God bless all countries.}

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22 Responses

  1. I’m way ahead of you with the gift list thing. 🙂

  2. OMG. You made me laugh. 🙂 I hope you get everything you want!

  3. Love your list, Kelli! I would add “more time” to my list–I need time to take care of myself, time to catch my breath, time to create, time to love and time to just enjoy the moment. May sound weird but this is truly what I want.

  4. I’ll take that yellow skirt, the cute stationery…and a hunk like Matt Fox, too! And I pretty much only post cute things on my blog that I want…but can’t afford! 🙂

  5. down with your anti-commando agenda! private parts should be free and liberated and not imprisoned by panties or thongs or what not.

  6. Hahaha, I love it. For Christmas, I want a healthy baby. But, of course I would like Santa to deliver him about two months AFTER Christmas, hehe 🙂

    I hope you are having a nice evening so far!

  7. love it all. you are too funny. those cupcake things are awesome. i might need some of those too so i can bring cupcakes in my lunch every single day. (well i’m too lazy for that but maybe every once in a while)

    santa is bringing me a dress form and a tripod if i’m a good little girl…we’ll see…there are still a couple weeks left. 😉

  8. Nice whish list, except that islander (but you know already who stole my heart). I hope Santa can satisfy all your whishes and dreams! (Btw, I can’t view your books list on Amazon……)

  9. the moosewood cookbook!
    haven’t seen one of them in years!

  10. I like your list! And it’s extremely generous to think of Britney/Paris/L-Lo and all…

    Bubba gets frustrated with me because every year I expend way too much time thinking about shopping for everyone else (his complaint, not mine) and then never have anything I want for me. It’s a pattern that’s gone on for years. Usually, he just writes me a check. (Which I have no problem with… I’d rather him not spend money on me just to spend money…)

    Not this year though, baby – I’ve got a list. Dear Santa… I would love a wooden salad bowl, a pepper grinder, the Klutz book of lettering, and a tiara. 🙂 I have been a reasonably good girl this year…

  11. Too cute!! Great skirt.

  12. Your so Funny Kelli!! I love your list & hope you get everything you wished for.

  13. Aw…warm fuzzies little Kelli girl!!! Rome is waiting for you!!!

    And, can I just say that what I got you isn’t on your list? But I still think you’ll like it. And when I saw the stationery it reminded me of the shop in Stockholm where I got that paper for you. Maybe we can find one in Spain!!

    Skirts are good. Rome has a ton of them in the street markets and they’s CUTE!!

    Can’t wait to see you. Happy crafting and wish-listing!

  14. Snow tires – and I need a new large skillet after an unfortunate incedent involving pork chops and maple syrup. And the underwear line…. did you see Amy Pohler’s rant on Weekend Update during SNL last week. Priceless!!!!!!!

  15. I agree – a trip to Rome is always on my list, too. And now that I’ve found tall boots to cover my skinny chicken legs, I love skirts (and dresses!) so much.

    I have to say I’m in the same boat with Shelley – my gift to you is not on your list. But I think you’ll like it anyway.

    Matthew Fox – yes, he is a nasty morsel, but – that’s who I’m talking about. ‘Course he’s gay, but that doesn’t matter when it’s all in my head anyway.

  16. I meant WENTWORTH on my last note, there. But apparently my HTML is a little fast and loose in the morning hours.

  17. love your post! you had me laughing the whole time!!! 🙂

  18. What a cute skirt – I love wearing skirts, but not so much in the winter. (It’s 14 degrees here today)
    I need Santa to bring me a set a Denise interchangeable knitting needles – in pink. Part of the proceedes get donated to breast cancer research, I get the needles I’ve been wanting, and they’re pink!

  19. You are too cute! Love everything on your list, and I hope that you get it all. 🙂

  20. a salad spinner.

  21. Hey, we have tons of good looking guys on our island. A lot of them are married but a good handful are not. You know you want to visit up here and check out the Pacific Northwest male population and of course the thrift stores. Your writing is like a breath of fresh air tonight. I have spent so little time reading blogs lately and I feel so deprived. Your post made me smile and laugh and you must have taken at least 2 feet of stress off me. Thank you.