Dear World, It’s Me: Delinquent Blogger

June 12th

Mexico City trip

I’m going to avoid the trite apologies to the digital heavens about not checking in. I haven’t written anything here for a long time. My browser, for the first time in 10 years, didn’t remember how to get here.

So, that’s weird.

 

 

Hi, y’all!

Hi!

I’ve been married for nearly 8 months. I could write books on those 8 months. They are mostly this dreamy state of happiness where boxes continue to arrive from Macy’s, and dinners are made with care, and I receive love letters, and I’m living in a beautiful home. That beautiful home on the edge of the desert also happens to be the dustiest place I’ve ever lived. It is gorgeous and clean for exactly one hot minute. (Literally hot. 118 later this week.) And, there is the whole thing about living with another being you just pledged the rest of your days to.

I waxed and waned here for years about how desperately I wanted to be married. I wanted a husband! I mean, I quit my job, sold my stuff, and moved to New Jersey for two months once upon a time because I was romantic. Once married, I could add “wifey” to my bio and laugh and be smug with the others who I envisioned had a life royale.

Well, look. Come to find out, life is a bit more nuanced. I am wary of how many people ask me in a whisper, leaning in with an eyebrow raised, “So… how is married life?”

How is married life?

Married life is weird. And wonderful. And a switch in perspective. I’m doing this forever. I’ve never done anything forever.

I wonder when people ask this leading question if they are actually asking, “Are you having great sex?” Or, more likely, if they are looking for immediate cracks in the levee. Are you sad you’ve decided to jump into this age old cultural and religious tradition where the property of your father is legally transferred to your future husband?

(The name change process is an entirely different post. There wasn’t a single step that was simple, and I’ve yet to relinquish my passport for the swap.)

So, how is married life?

It’s fun. I love coming home to my husband, who’s  interested to hear how my day was, while dogs nip at my feet and beg for my attention. I love this family. I love our home.

And, married life is tricky. We are two adults with established routines, habits, bed times, bank accounts, and traditions. Thrown together, there is a fair amount of adjusting for everyone to make it feel good, fair, and loving.

And for now, today, it feels better than good.

~K

 

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8 Responses

  1. Sarah K June 12, 2017

    The “fair amount of adjusting” is an on-going process! Glad to hear you’re enjoying the process!

  2. You just made me smile after a pretty crazy day 🙂 And oh, What Sarah K said

  3. Hey there, married lady. Good to see you blogging again! 🙂

  4. I never changed my name. Being much older than you, I worried that it might confuse Social Security, etc. if I did it. I also thought it would be difficult and you just confirmed that. It doesn’t really matter to me one way or the other so I don’t really regret it.

  5. I can relate–hence my ghost town of a blog. I follow your blog without expectation. You be you and if and when you feel like showing up, I’ll be here.

  6. What a nice way to put it! There is always some adjusting and an occasional “WHO ARE YOU?” but marriage is quite worth the effort.

    p.s. When some older ladies told me in my first year of marriage that these were the best times of my life I wanted to cry!! Fortunately, they were very, very wrong, I say almost 33 years later. The days can be wonderful or they can be tedious, but the years are great!

  7. Weird that people ask you that. Maybe they are wondering if you miss your single life. I’ve been married longer than I was single now so I would probably ask a single person “so how is it” haha

  8. Being a delinquent reader, I thought I might make amends by leaving a comment. I do think folks are asking about the emotional adjustments needed to share your life / space / money. If they are actually asking about your sex life I’d find a way to remove them from my life really quick! Bill and I have been together for over 20 years, but married for only about 7. I don’t think of it as forever, rather I think of it for today. That said, I can’t imagine my life without him. This is the one I want. I had a health scare a couple of years ago that led me to consider whether I had any regrets. The only one I came up with was to loosen up the tightwad strategy and buy some more shoes…which I’ve not done much yet. Congratulations on your marriage. I hope you are very happy together.

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