Where’s that Bucket of Water?

October 11th

I’m in love, but I’m not going to lie — our relationship is rocky. There are days I sit at my desk and think of how I’d so much rather be with my honey — off at the park, in the mountains, doing anything else but sitting still.
And then there are the days that I wish I’d never see this latest sweetheart again. It’s an abusive relationship, without a doubt.

ruby in all her glory

Ruby is like any other stereotypical red headed tempest. She loves me one moment, whispering sweet nothings in my ear about long, beautiful rides through the countryside. She cradles me — holds me lovingly. But without a doubt, as soon as I’m 30 minutes away from home and the ride is just starting to get my heart truly pumping, I hear her wicked laugh. Flying monkeys soar above me, taunting me at each turn.

might as well be made of brick

I’ll get you my pretty, and your little tush too!

Her loving embrace turns into a grasp from hell. She beats my legs into submission, sending fiery pain from my feet to my hips as I pedal with sheer determination not to let her see me cry, yet again. My body aches in places I didn’t know could hurt. My shoulders tense with each bump in the road. My stomach lurches at the sight of sand on the path ahead. I need courage, heart and a brain to survive my dates with Ruby.

dork in her helmet

Oh Ruby, how you’ve tricked me again. You make me yearn for my other loves — the twins:

New Balance, the twins

New and Balance. (There is no place like home. No place like I home!) and my slinky Italian lover, Speedo.


They never abused me this way. And yet, like a Lifetime Movie starlet who never learns the lesson, I cannot wait for our next tryst. It’s a wicked love.


Posted in
Journal, Triathlon
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21 Responses

  1. Yay! I got a new bike for a wedding/birthday gift and I love it. It’s been on the trail a few times and I can’t wait to use it again (of course it’s snowing today -hmph). My husband (!) liked it so much that he bought the same one!! (only bigger).

    I love biking too – but d*mn she can be a cruel hearted lover at times, no?

  2. All these wonderful tools are for your training for the triathalon, aren’t they? Your preparation process is so interesting. I’ve never ever done anything like this. I’ll be here cheering you on.

  3. Nice ride girl.

  4. i just found your site and am having so much fun reading that i wanted to leave a little note and say hello, thank you, and i look forward to more!

  5. I LOVE the pic of you in the helmet. You so cuuuuute!

  6. hehe I love that picture too! (of you in the helmet.) Good luck with Ruby’s fiery ways.

  7. you my dear are TOO funny! i love this photo of you in the helmet.

  8. Stereotypical redheaded temptress, huh? I wonder if Kevin sees me that way! =)

    I love that her name is Ruby. My bike is also red but unfortunately, she has no name. I guess it’s OK b/c she was a gift from an ex and needs to go. Did you see the Rosie bike I am currently lusting over? She has a big ol’ cushy tush!

  9. your writing is fabulous! 🙂 loving it!!!

  10. You’re really cute!

  11. Now I’m curious if all my triathlete friends have twin Italian companions from Oz or are as equally imaginitive as they slog through the searing pain.

    Live long and prosper, oh fit one.

  12. Thank you! I’ll quit pestering you now. And the Kansas girl in me, getting ready for a Wizardly halloween, is rather appreciative of your narrative.

  13. When I finished the first paragraph you just about made my heart stop. I was so relieved to read you were talking about your bike. Your writing really made me smile. Especially as yours and everyone elses comments on my blog today has made me quite teary. My email is down so I can’t email you but I really appreciate what you said.

  14. Jane Bennett October 12, 2006

    Oh, kick Ruby to the curb! I was going to send you a note about this. A couple weeks ago I was watching TV and all of a sudden it hit me. I found your perfect mate – ANDERSON COOPER. Okay, get on it now.
    Love, mom bennett

  15. Lovely shot of Ruby! And WOW to the new carpet (moreso the carpet installers, LOL). Im surprised you werent lured away from Ruby. WTG!

  16. Kel, if you ever give up your job in public health, then I’m sure there’s defeniately a side to you that can write trashy romance novels with ease … lol..and no doubt get them published !!

    Love your bike, your endurance to painmust be unreal though. I mean a triathlon. Your a strong woman, mentally and phisically by the looks of it, but don’t burn out on us, take care with your training – love Julia x

  17. What a funny post this is! The pictures are too cute, but the writing…..SO DAMN FUNNY!
    Glad to meet Ruby, just be careful (does she have a seat belt?)

  18. Hey Kelli…Does Ruby know my Elliptical Trainer — “Elli”?!

  19. I have complete and absolute faith that you will brow beat Ruby down until she’s as good to you as the “twins”.
    What a funny post! I love that pic of you, too cute, you are. [I love the ‘trashy novel’ idea!]

  20. How are you able to be training for a triathalon AND look adorable in your helmet – all at once? Super cute. And, I’m very glad you named your bike. The fact that her name is Ruby only sweetens the deal.

  21. Haha! Great post. Maybe consider screwing off this bike seat, buying a new comfortable one, and seeing how that works? I had to do that with the seat that came on my bike. Or…stick it out so you can write more funny posts! 😉