Woodland Karma

September 26th

Woodland Karma

This weekend with Tall Lady started out really well. I knew when she pulled out her hiking boots Saturday morning we were going to have some fun. An hour later, we were on one of our favorite trails and it was fantastic. My tail was wagging, my tongue was out and I was loving life. Tall Lady kept talking about the trees changing. We even saw Elk snacks!

Woodland Karma

These kinda scared my mom, but I just wanted to chase them. She kept saying, “Where is Cody?” Funny enough, my uncle was out hunting elk this weekend with my grandpa and they didn’t see anything other than elk decoys. It didn’t make him happy to hear we’d wandered into a smart bunch of the giant tasty snacks who were hanging out in the park. No hunting there!

Woodland Karma

That night, Tall Lady got dressed up for a fancy night out with friends. She was wearing a new coat she bought when my grandma was visiting — an antique mink cape. The party was country club themed, and Tall Lady went for it, even though she’s isn’t a fur kinda gal.*

Woodland Karma

Woodland KarmaSo happy. So naive to the hell that was about to reign down upon the homestead.

A few hours later, she returned and let me in the backyard. While she hung up her coat and kicked off her heels, I went to battle with my black and white arch nemesis — Pepe. Mr. Le Pew might live beneath the shed in the backyard, or might roam. We aren’t sure. But as of late Saturday night, both me and Tall Lady are quite sure what kind of damage Pepe can do.

Woodland Karma

Look, it wasn’t my fault. I’m a terrier and he was in my backyard. Terrier. As in, of the earth. As in, I stick my nose where at times it shouldn’t go — kinda like Tall Lady. Just when I thought I had that French bastard, he got me. Right in the face. I was dripping with mustard yellow skunk oil when Tall Lady — who was completely confused — scooped me up and into the tub. Come to find out, skunks smell entirely different when their spray is actually on you.

Baths 1-4 were fairly useless. It wasn’t until we cut away my fur, saw an ER pet doc and had a friendly neighbor come over to give me a peroxide scrub that I stopped drooling. My eyes are still watering a bit and I look like a damn poodle with my hair cut this short, but it will grow back. I can’t say the same for the towels, clothes and collar that were ruined. Or the fact the car and the bathroom may never be free of eau de skunk.

I definitely feel bad for Tall Lady. She got some of Pepe’s stench in her mouth when she picked me up and was sick as a human. But, now I think we both get what the neighborhood siamese cat was trying to explain about karma. My mama wears fur and the woodland animals of the homestead boomerang back to smack her in the head.

It’s on, Mr. Le Pew. You may have one this battle, but if I remember correctly, the French don’t do well in war.

~K

*A note from Tall Lady: while I was previously an adamant environmentalist who would have scoffed at the idea of wearing a fur, holy shit have you ever worn fur? IT FEELS SO GOOD. And, this was recycled fur. My purchase did not kill any animals. So don’t get all PETA on me. I have plenty of guilt already.

 

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Colorado, Heirloom Homestead, Nelson
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15 Responses

  1. Ron Hendrickson September 26, 2011

    Dear Nelson:

    Very sorry to hear about the incident–been there, done that. Mssr. et Mme. Le Pew are no fun. I hate them and yell at them sometimes. Mostly I just stay away from them.

    Whatever you do, don’t get them started talking about their kids.

    Sadie

  2. Love the “country club” look! I NEVER seem to get invited to themed parties. Dang!

    I hope the smell is dissipating!

  3. Use baking soda in your house like nobody’s business. Our dog got sprayed by a skunk a couple weeks ago and thought life would never be the same when he came directly inside and rubbed all over the carpets. But we O.D.ed on the baking soda to get rid of the smell and it worked. Also, forewarning, there are two types of dogs, those who learn after the first time they are sprayed and those who will be sprayed over and over again. Pray he falls in the first category!

  4. I think I heard something about bathing a dog in tomato juice. Good luck. Doesn’t sound like fun, but you are one good looking lady in that fur.

  5. Karel Donley September 26, 2011

    My poor grandoggie;
    I am so sorry about your meeting with Pepe Le Pew. Let’s be smart about this, and not repeat the adventure! He IS a real stinker, after all!
    Big Mama

  6. Wow, you look great in mink!

    Ahh, the aspens!

    I’m so sorry about the skunk!! You poor things!! This happens to my friend’s dog at least once a year. She uses tomato juice baths. Her dog hasn’t been sprayed in the eyes, though, that can’t feel good!

  7. Oh good gracious, I wish I could tell you I didn’t laugh hysterically throughout this entire post (ELK SNACKS, I DIE) but the reality is, I did. Oh my gosh, and the drooling. Wow. And I’m sorry.

    Just out of curiosity…did you try the tomato sauce bath? I’ve always been really curious if that actually works. Hope your nausea has subsided!

  8. Wow, that is some adventure. And yes, apparently karmic. My mom has a mink jacket that she keeps trying to pawn off on me because she never liked wearing it back in the day. I will not back down and take it now! Poor Nelson.

    You could be Mrs. Don Draper the way you look in that photo!!!!

  9. Well you look stunning for battle – queen-like even. I am so sorry you are now a resource for people dealing with pissed-off skunks. i can’t begin to imagine how frustrating it has been. Here’s hoping Nelson is a quick study.

  10. I like Nelson stories, I hope he will keep up writing more!

  11. I’m only giggling because our dog got sprayed by a skunk and my dad let her in the house! Chaos! And for the record, tomato juice does work! Hang in there! <3

  12. Dahling, you look MAHVELOUS.

    Willie, honey, try to behave yourself. I’m guessing Tall Lady doesn’t want to spend her life at the vet. (Though you are pretty darn cute, so that’s something…)

  13. Kelli, I love the Nelson stories. You’re a wonderful writer!

  14. Gah! Love this post, but HATE that Willie got sprayed! That is the worst!!!! Hopefully that was the one & only encounter with Mr. Le Pew (btw, Nature’s Miracle is a GREAT product for eau du skunk!)

  15. favorite prose of the week:

    holy shit have you ever worn fur

    best ever! sorry you’re cursed with the skunk.

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